Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
