I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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