i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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