he shaved USA in his pubs
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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