bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
