I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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