So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
