I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
