He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
