So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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