I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
