this beer tastes like vomit already
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
