She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
