nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
