Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
