So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
