I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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