I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
