i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
