He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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