I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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