if only i could text you this smell
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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