Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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