My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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