I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
