My sheets look like a crime scene.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
