The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
