I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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