Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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