Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
