I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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