He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
