i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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