i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
How does it feel to date your dad?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
