does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
