Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
