Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
