got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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