so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
