I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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