I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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