Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
