OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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