hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
