Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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