Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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