Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
