Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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