you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
