mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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