It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
