I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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