when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
