hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
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