The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Less talking, more tequila
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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