she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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