Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
